My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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