508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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