Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
