Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
