I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize