Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
