i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
