They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
