I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
