My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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