Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
