she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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