new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
