What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
