There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
