Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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