Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
