I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
