i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
