theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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