So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize