Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
