The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
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Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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