just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
someone owes me an orgasm
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize