going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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