She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just want nice things and good sex
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
