dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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