Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
