I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
