Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
