I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
