I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He uses pillows to masturbate.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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