I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
