he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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