My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
