By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
