She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
