I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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