What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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