it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
