Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
