It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
