Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
