i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
