My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
