I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
