So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
