Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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