Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
