So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
