When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
