well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
