What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
