The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
