Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
PANTIES FOUND
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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