No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
