You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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