i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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