okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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