if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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