Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
