at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just want nice things and good sex
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
