Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
false alarm, still single
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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