i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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