I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
