My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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