Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
