ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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