He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
apparently the secret to your success is patron
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
