well I can't set my house on fire every night
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize