Swine flu. Run for my life!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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