I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
