I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Floor bacon is actually really good
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
