I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
