the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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