you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you never un-have a 4some
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
