Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
