Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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